Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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