Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
