Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
