There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
