I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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