I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Farmville is her only friend.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
