What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
