North Korea, Best Korea!
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
