Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
