My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
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