your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
