I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Randomize
