Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
