"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Randomize
