you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Randomize
