If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
