Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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