I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I'm passing your future prison.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
