I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
