In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
