I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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