my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
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