Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
