is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
