I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize