What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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