For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
