wrigley field is MILF paradise
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
