She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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