don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
