I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
