Heybabeimwearingurpanties
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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