nut hugger
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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