How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
operation harelip BJ is a go
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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