just survived the first fart of the relationship.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
