I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
