it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
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