i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
