also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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