Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
