Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Randomize
