Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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