That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
