I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I just found a bag of teeth...
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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