Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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