Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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