you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
