Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize