i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Randomize
