I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
