if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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