i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
