Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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