sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
