dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
