Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
