ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
