she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
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