Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
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