Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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