He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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