that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Can you bring me the toilet please
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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