As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
