So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
