I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
