Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
