So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
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