i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Randomize
