I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
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