'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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