OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
it's like heaven, but drunker
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Your penis caused this!
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize