Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Dick very happy bro
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
